The Phyne Dyner talks about “stuff”

In Editorial on May 24, 2011 at 8:59 am

Good news!

During my latest re-supply mission to Hy Vee, I noted that my beloved tonic water had experienced a price rollback.  The price decreased from 3/$2 to 2/$1.

Thank you, Mr. Obama!

Bad news!

Organic red peppers jumped from $3.69/ea, to $3.99/ea.

It is why I drink.


What I’m (Not) Drinking:


Wine from Casa di Vino

As I stood in line at the pharmacy waiting on more meds for my friend “Jack”, I was able to catch up on my email, balance my checkbook, and get an early start on my 2011 income taxes.

“It is with great trepidation…”

The rest of the email from Howard Bernstein, proprietor and official sommelier for Phyne Dyning, related his decision to close Casa di Vino.  I will not deign to offer a post-mortem on Casa di Vino.  Instead, I will articulate my hope that Howard’s decision to close his wine shop was made because he won big at Lotto and will be retiring to a vineyard in Tuscany.

Phyne Dyning wishes Howard the very best and thanks him for being one of the stalwart among the vanishing breed of entrepreneurs…they are truly “The Man in the Arena”.

In related news:

The Phyne Dyner asked the clerk at Hy Vee for information about the wines stacked between the bratwurst buns and feminine hygiene items.  “It’s $12.99”, he offered hopefully.


More email opened:

“DM” took me to task over my political commentary.  I prefer to label it as “scurrilous curmudgeonry”.

“You said you were going to stop making political commentary and give us a place to retreat…”

Yes, I did.  When I did so, page views fell by 80%.  When I resumed political commentary, page views jumped to return to their previous values.

Sorry…the tribe has spoken.

Freedom is a strong drink, not well tolerated by the timid.


Mad about you:

Free-floating anger was once a hallmark of anti-social personality disorder (ASPD).  Has ASPD become epidemic?  Or, have the diagnostic criteria for the psychiatric disorder changed?

I was dutifully walking my empty cart back inside Costco out at Jordan Creek Town(e) Center(re) when I observed a neatly dressed man shoving the front wheels of his empty cart up on a curb to “park” it only a mere twenty-five feet from the store’s entrance.

“C’mon dude” I called cheerfully “it’s only twenty-five more feet. Let’s go for the burn!”

“F*ck off.  Or, I’ll burn you” he replied.  Some kind of ID fluttered from the lanyard around his neck.


I quietly removed his abandoned cart from the curb and pushed it inside with mine.   As I was getting in my car, I felt eyes on me.  The man had parked his Lexus 350 “something” behind me and had rolled the window down.

He mouthed the word “loser” and drove off.

“Jack” update:

One of the surprises (pleasant ones) that came with my blog has been the amount of concern readers have shown for my old dog, “Jack”.

At this writing, Jack is doing very well.  “Dr. Dan” changed up some of his medications and we can tell a big difference in how the old boy feels.

Yes, I still carry Jack in and out to the garden and his medications run a bit over $200/mo.

It is the least I can do for my old friend.

There’s never been a better time!

My first awakening to marketing lies came at a young age.

In the back pages of nearly every comic book of the era, advertisements abounded for cute little “Sea Monkeys”.

The picture showed a critter right out of a Doctor Seuss story.  In fact, it was a picture of a whole family of Who-like marvels.

I ordered some…only a buck, plus $2.49 “shipping and handling”.  When they arrived, I dumped the “magic” powder into a glass of water and, in twenty-four hours, I had…

…brine shrimp.

Sheesh!  Can’t they give us a break from the constant haranguing of advertisements?  They are everywhere and the ongoing 24/365 “election” coverage in Iowa is just one more example…the last cycle’s losers have been re-packaged and re-announced as “new” and “improved”.

Repackaged Sea Monkeys.

Standing firm on belief:

Mrs. Phyne Dyner and I had a serious discussion the other night.  The nice people she works for are offering their employees complimentary memberships at Sam’s Club.

The Phyne Dyner would rather learn to goose-step than patronize or any other part of the Walton Evil Empire…and he relayed his disappointment in Mrs. PD for selling out to The Man.

It all started when Janet “Big Sis” Napolitano and Wally World joined forces in the “See something, say something be-a-snitch-win-valuable-prizes” program last November.

Mrs. PD holds the opinion that it is best to take whatever is given and put it to use for our own purposes and to forward our own agenda.  I have a feeling that Mrs. PD learned that value at the feet of a guy wearing black pyjamas.

It is why I love her dearly.

The Phyne Dyner is a devoted male feminist and his vote does not cancel out Mrs. PD’s simply on the basis she was born with ovaries.

She will have her Sam’s Club membership…but I do not have to like it.

Bar exams:

My new “What I’m Drinking” feature has proven to be something people enjoy.

I came clean and admitted I know virtually nothing about wines and dove into the wine barrel, head first.

Despite the pending closure of Casa di Vino, the Phyne Dyner will continue to hold forth on swill.

Think of the new feature as, “swill about swill”.

The next installment will cover the thorny issue of box wines.  Add to that, a bit of holding forth on stronger stuff.

Pass the aspirin.


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