Phyne Dyning shoots off on the gun control issue

In Editorial on January 8, 2013 at 3:55 pm

Phyne Dyning has stayed an arm’s length from the howling going on over gun control. My mailbox(es) are full of intemperate rhetoric from both camps and, to be honest, I’m tired of it and I’m not reading much more about it. It does not affect me, so why waste the pixels?

For nigh onto fifty years, the gun control debate has waxed and waned. Each time it rises to prominence the screaming from both sides becomes more shrill.

I can’t even bring myself to categorize either side as ‘liberal’ or ‘conservative’, as they howl like banshees at each other. Today’s ‘liberals’ are not liberals. This group always wants to impose some control on something, from guns to trans fats. Gun owners are about to learn that you are just as dead if you are killed by a Praetorian sent by a twit with a perpetual wet spot on the front of his breeches and under whose quivering lower lip dangles a perpetual blob of spittle…as you are a steely-eyed barbarian becomes bent on taking your cave and your family’s hunk of water-bo.


Not a damn bit better. From gay marriage to abortion, this merry little band of neo-Puritans has embarked to perfect a ‘fun-free’ world in preparation for the Second Coming of their Invisible Friend. They are equally enthusiastic about regulation and authoritarianism as are the ‘liberals’. This bunch is going to look out for my ‘gun rights’? They couldn’t even run a caucus in Iowa.


My gun-owning friends are inundating me with appeals to join the National Rifle Association and to write letters in support of firearms rights to the infestation dwelling under the DC Puzzle Dome.


The same goes for the alphabet soup of gun ‘rights’ groups like GOA and JPFO. The price of membership would be better spent on a good bottle of whiskey.

Huh? Why?

I’m a libertarian. Self-defense is a right, period. If I sincerely thought my life was in danger, I would have (and carry) a firearm without so much as a nod to the law. If the risk of ‘dead’ is certain and the risk of imprisonment is a maybe, you’d have to be a window-licking, crayon-eating, helmet-wearing f*ck-tard to worry about going to jail.

I’ve had it with the histrionics of concealed carry fanatics who dutifully bent their knees to beg for their treasured permits. They claim to deplore gun control, but they have gone along with every disarmament scheme handed down by the elites.

It’s a fine, sunny day in Warsaw and they’re about to learn that their work permits only delayed their walk to the Umschlagplatz. Enjoy the train-ride.

I once had a concealed carry permit. I allowed it to expire and then I tossed it in the back of a desk drawer as a keepsake. At first, I saw the little card to represent ‘freedom’. In fact, it was my slave papers. I began to loath the little card for turning me into a beggar.

For the libertarian, a firearm has two, major legitimate purposes: to defend one’s life against criminals who would deprive him of his essential property (life) and to defend one’s life against any government who would, likewise, criminally deprive him of his life.

If I reasonably believed either was imminent, no law would stop me from keeping and bearing arms in self-defense. I’d also happily turn in any subsequently banned civilian firearm to whatever evil and tyrannical authority that demanded it.

Then I’d re-supply from the same sources as did Nguyen Fip Dip and as does Achmed the Insane Afghan. The poorly guarded, over-abundant munitions dropped or abandoned by a sport-addicted skid-mark dispenser would be a damned-site better, and more potent, than anything I can buy down at Billy Bob’s Gun Emporium.

Mordechai Anielewicz didn’t quietly stand in line to get his concealed carry permit, walk down to Podromy’s Pistols, fill out the background check paperwork, and go home to wait for Mr. Podromy to call for him to pick up his Judenrat-approved purchase.

So, don’t look for me to take sides in the gun control dog and pony show.

Self-defense is either a right, or it is not. Ya’ll can wait to see which opinion gets official approval so you’ll know how to respond.

Because I’m free, I’ve already made up my mind.

And I sleep well too.


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