Girl (Storm Troopers) just wanna have fun…

In General Information on February 22, 2013 at 12:11 pm
Lisa Steed, in happier days. (UHP Photo)

Lisa Steed, in happier days. (UHP Photo)

People always expect bad people to have tiny, square mustaches and a bad haircut. We seem to forget that the worst of the worst often have spotless complexions, sparkling eyes, rosey-red cheeks, and perfect smiles. The person in the photo to the left looks deceptively sweet and honest. No matter how outlandish the stories told by such people, juries will give them the benefit of doubt. Put ‘Sweetness and Light’ in the official costumery of the state and a jury could be convinced up is down. Such is among the worst of all evils.

The ‘fairer sex’ is also an equal opportunity oppressor for the state. There are the extreme examples, like the infamous Nazi concentration guard, Ilse Koch (formerly “The Bitch of Buchenwald”) and then there is mere piker, Lisa Steed (formerly of the Utah Highway Patrol). In between, fall the fun-loving Texas trooperettes who enjoyed running their fingers through the pubic hair and into the anuses of female civilians they had detained along the roadside for fun and profit.

According to an Associated Press story that has been widely circulated, former Utah Highway Patrol-ette, Steed had a knack for catching drunk drivers. Her supervisors called her knack ‘an uncanny talent’.

During her ten years as a Utah Praetorian, Steed apprehended more impaired drivers than any male trooper in the history of the patrol. In just one year, Steed black-bagged to jail over five hundred allegedly drunk drivers; more than twice as many as any of her male counterparts.

According to the AP story, many (most) of Steed’s remarkable arrests were entirely bogus. The AP story stated there may be allegations that all of Steed’s drunk driving arrests, way back to 2006, were based on flawed evidence or outright fabrications by Steed.

That would bring the number of Steed’s alleged roadside misdeeds to 1,500.

A 49-page lawsuit has been filed on behalf of many of her alleged victims.

According to an article published in the Salt Lake Tribune (17 December 2012), the Utah Highway Patrol has a tradition of rooting out trooper misconduct, proving self-policing works (if only for the police).


Steed is mentioned in the Tribune article as one of 13 Utah troopers found guilty of a minor infraction of Utah laws or patrol policies in only 2010. In Steed’s case, her minor infraction involved her removing her microphone during a field sobriety test of an allegedly impaired driver. That minor infraction led to an investigation that now suggests up to 1,500 motorists had been railroaded by Steed.

Oh, I know, “Okay, Steed may be a bad cop. But the majority of cops are good people doing a hard job.”

Nothing to see here? Move along?

Let’s play some numbers.

From 2009 to 2011, 123 Utah troopers were found to have violated Utah law or department policy. Using the standard that un-apprehended criminals tend to commit crimes repeatedly, each of the 123 troopers may have similarly

Other female troopers, in happier days. (SF Chronicle)

Other female troopers, in happier days. (SF Chronicle)

violated the rights of citizens in numbers close to those alleged against Steed. That’s how probability works.

So, let’s assume the other 122 official misconduct-committing troopers were only half as ambitious as former Trooper of the Year, Lisa Steed. Consequently, we’ll assume they only railroaded 250 motorists per year.

That’s potentially 30,500 innocent citizens who paid fines, sat in jail, or lost jobs, lost spouses, or lost families, but were entirely innocent of all charges.

If the fine for drunk driving were only $1,000, little Lisa hauled in $1,500,000 for state coffers. The 30,500 potential victims of her colleagues could represent almost $31-million in confiscated tribute. Even if the malicious prosecutions were for $100 speeding tickets, Steed’s policy and law breaking buddies could haul in over $3-million.

Willie Sutton was wrong by a mile.

You’d think, with that kind of reputation, the ‘good’ cops would want Steed sweating in an orange jumpsuit as she awaited trial on criminal charges…rather than allowing the civil case plaintiffs to do the heavy lifting. You’d think young prosecutors would be elbowing each other in the face to be the first to file a criminal complaint against her. You’d think her commanders and supervisors would have tents pitched in the young prosecutor’s offices, refusing to leave until a grand jury was convened. You’d think…

But you’d be wrong.

That’s why I don’t think there are any good cops.


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