phynedyning

My favorite April Fool jokes!

In Editorial on April 1, 2013 at 9:31 am

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(Almost) Every April 1, Phyne Dyning runs an editorial tribute to April Foolery. One of my most popular gags was an ‘announcement’ that Campbell’s Soup Company was launching a ‘cream of porcupine’ soup targeting the upper Midwest market. Knowing that the best humor always has some basis in reality, I offer the following tribute to the state and its ongoing foolery. Enjoy!

 

An April Fool joke is a trap mechanism where the target of the joke is set up to believe something that is not true. Parts of reality are manipulated by tricksters so that the target of the joke is not in on the deception until he or she is made to look foolish for believing the deception. Then, everyone laughs. The most accomplished of tricksters is the American state. Here are three (and a bonus!) of my favorite state tricks and hoaxes. But remember, there are literally hundreds of thousands of state-imposed jokes out there. These, for me, are among the state’s funniest pranks.

April Fool’s Joke Number One

Every April, the marks of this joke are heard boasting, “I paid thousands in taxes, but I got it all back.”

Wheeeeeeee! Let the spending of ‘free money’ begin.

It should perplex any organism having two functioning brain cells that an interest-free lending arrangement is not beneficial to the lender. Still, every April, the marks of this joke high five each other over their windfall of free money. They actually have the chutzpah to congratulate themselves for their fiscal acumen.

Then, everyone laughs.

April Fool’s Joke Number Two

This gag involves the mark believing in the magical transmogrification of vices (such as drinking and smoking) into virtues the moment the state levies a tax on the vice.

“Smoking is a grave health danger (to…usually ‘the children’). Therefore, the state will levy a one-dollar per package of cigarettes tax to help buy healthcare for poor children.”

“Drinking alcohol is a social evil. Therefore, the state will levy a ‘sin tax’ on alcoholic beverages with which it will do good things.”

Then, everyone laughs.

April Fool’s Joke Number Three

In ‘Joke Number Two’ a bad act is magically made good through the collection of a tax. In this variant, a bad act is magically made good because the state is committing the formerly bad act…like gambling.

Specifically, a numbers racket…a lottery.

The state’s conjurors tell their marks that gambling is a crime. Seedy men are involved. The profits of non-state gambling go to organized crime bosses. That is bad.

The marks never ask, “Once the crime boss has the money, what does he do with it?”

Obviously, the crime boss spends the money. After all, what good is having money if you don’t do stuff or buy merchandise with it?

The mark never connects that a crime boss spending money is a good thing. Gangsters love luxury cars, nice eats, fancy ‘cribs’, stereos, and big screen televisions. All of that puts money into an economy.

The state’s gangsters (thankfully, they are not…yet…organized) want the same things every other gangster wants (and a nice office from which to work). So, they set up their own numbers racket and then do something an ordinary black hand organization cannot do…they make all other, non-state, numbers rackets ‘illegal’.

Then, everyone laughs.

Bonus joke!

The best April Fool joke has a long time-delay between the deception and when the mark is finally made aware of the tricksters’ deceit.

A suitable delay for the best joke would run from the first Tuesday after the first Monday of November to April 15th.

The latest play of this scam consisted a virtual pariah group (congress), having 9 to 15% approval among the marks. The marks fought bitterly among themselves in ‘campaign support’, much to the amusement of the tricksters. Then, when the dust settled, the marks found they had returned 90 to 95% of the hated pariahs to office.

Then, everyone laughed.

Even funnier…

…The marks went home afterward, slapping each other on the back, congratulating each other on having completed their civic duty.

Gawd, I love a good joke.

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  1. I may have to steal this one Doc. Damn good.

  2. Even a blind pig finds the occasional acorn.

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